Last nights dream
So Gretta, a woman whom I've never met or even talked to before, but who might of ended up being my boss, if I'd actually gone for the job (in real life), was in charge of this very big wedding event (in my dream). Gretta, in the dream, came in the form of a Swedish women named Pernilla whom I had met and travelled with in Laos. She was ultimately in charge of the event but I was the chief organizer and second in command. The two big show cases of the wedding were to be, a talk by Francis Ford Coppola on Apocalypse Now and a mystery super group which was rumoured to be Radiohead!
It turns out that Francis had cancelled and I had to tell Gretta the bad news. She was running around doing stuff like talking to the caterers, delivery people, flower people, etc, and every time I tried to interrupt her she would wave at me with total indifference to go away.
I must of tried at least a dozen times to get her attention and would consistantly get dismissed, ignored or shooed away. Eventually I gave up and decided I would do the lecture myself. I knew Apocalypse Now almost as well as Francis. All I needed to do was brush up a bit. I would revise the book, Strangers, Gods and Monsters, and in particular the section on how Kurtz is all three at once. That was dynamite stuff and would blown them away! And I had the film stills as well, so I was feeling very confident. I could nail this one! This was my zone! I could quote a million lines and do a very good impression of Dennis Hopper! Who needs Francis? But I would need to prepare!
In the meantime, my little helper, who was a very small woman, but not quite small enough to be a midget, tells me there is no band! Now stressed and starting to panic, I flick through this folder of portfolios she hands me on bands and I choose one. 'Get these guys' I said! And, off she went. I thought about trying to tell this to Gretta but then thought 'fuck it' she's just going to ignore me anyway.
I went to the lecture hall to set up the slide projectors. All the film stills were slides that had wooden frames around them, like that of a picture frame for a painting. For some reason, they just wouldn't fit right into the projectors and what was consistently being projected onto the big screen was the actual frames themselves in all sorts of crisscrossed patterns. I tried every conceivable thing I could possibly think of. No matter what I did I would end up with some sort of frame pattern. Arty yes, but this was clearly not going to work! I would have to do the lecture without slides.
My helper returned and said the band was outside in a school bus (an American style one with the windows all blocked up) and that they wouldn't come out as they were shy and getting themselves ready as they wanted to look really cool. I was shouting at them to get inside and to open the damn door which seemed to go on for ages. When they did finally come parading out and in through the front door of the event hall, which also doubled as an old house, I could see that they were actually just a crew of white kids pretending to be a band and all wearing hiphop style clothes, with baseball caps sideways and backwards and ridiculously baggy things on and emulating ghetto gestures. My helper said 'They sure look cool! They certainly look the part, don't they?' I could not respond!
I went to check in on the wedding party and Gretta in the banquet hall and everything was in full swing. Best leave them to it and prepare my talk I was thinking as I was running out of time. I had something like 20 mins to get it ready now. When I passed back through the house the kids were all on the internet looking up information on how to play their instruments and learning to read music and what potential songs they could play. Some were just playing video games!
For some reason, I still felt this might work, though things were definitely on the slide. At least if I do my part brilliantly, I thought! Just wing it! Fuck it!
So, all the guests had moved into the great lecture hall. When I came up to the podium they had expected me to introduce Francis Ford Coppola. I informed them that he would not be coming and that I would now be giving the lecture instead, which was met with total shock and absolute silence. I could feel Gretta glaring! I started my lecture and I could see my assistant giving me the thumbs up from the sidelines. I seemed to have forgotten everything about Apocalypse Now. I could barely scratch some fragmented bits together and was almost speaking in tongues. Couldn't remember a damn thing! They started booing and hissing in unison and I was thinking that this is what it must of been like for Cristiano Ronaldo returning to Manchester United and facing the crowd at Old Trafford after the World Cup!
I composed myself and mumbled something about knowing my stuff actually, even if it didn't appear that way to them. I felt quietly assured in my own mind, but could not continue as I couldn't remember a bloody thing!
I then said, 'And now I would like to introduce to you, the band!' and scuttled out the back door with my helper! Some how I knew I wouldn't be working with Gretta again! I said to my helper, 'Gretta, I'm going home!' Oh, how we laughed!
